Congress To Investigate Britney Spears
:lol: Gotta love those priorities. :roll:The House Oversight and Government Reform Committee has announced that an investigation will be launched to address charges of substance abuse by pop superstar Britney Spears. Spears has been involved in several incidents of bizarre behavior during the past year, but vehemently denies use of any eccentric performance enhancing drugs. Lawmakers promise a thorough, star-studded investigation lasting until election day, if necessary.
"Americans have the right to know if Ms. Spears' behavior is chemically induced." said Henry Waxman, California Congressman and Chairman of the Committee. "The people want to know if she's a drugged-up, attention-starved publicity hound, or just plain nuts. It's our duty to find out."
The Committee intends to subpoena the likes of Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Riche and Whitney Houston, - who have all previously admitted to the use of eccentric performance enhancing drugs - as well as naturally bizarre celebrities, such as Michael Jackson and Tom Cruise. Also scheduled to testify are Justin Timberlake, Julia Roberts and Miley Cyrus, a.k.a. Hannah Montana - who have nothing to do with the case but can provide star power to the proceedings and boost C-Span's ratings.
"It's important we raise awareness to this problem." explained Waxman. "We must make sure that celebrities are sincere in their behavior, particularly in an election year."
Some critics, though, contend that the efforts of Congress should be aimed at more urgent issues. "There are more important issues critical to the future of this country." said Arlen Specter of the Senate Judiciary Committee. "Take the videotaping before the 2002 Super Bowl, for instance - those kinds of shenanigans have gone on long enough."